A Baby Born into Heaven

February 1 was our due date in 2019. The doctor told me so :) There is such a weird grief and pain when it comes to pregnancy after a loss.

We are SO incredibly blessed to have our daughter, born early, making her only 2.5 months older than the first child we carried. I am so incredibly blessed by E's birth. It definitely did not come easy and you can read about that in previous posts. However, today I remember our first child. Carried only for a few weeks but loved for a lifetime. 

It is crazy how common miscarriages are. So many women suffering from the incredible loss. Some try to justify that they can't be sad or grieve because they weren't very far along. However, I know from experience where your head and heart went the second you got a positive line on the pregnancy test. You dreamt of that child's future, its gender, the nursery, holding them in your arms. You imagined them playing on your living room floor, snuggling them late at night, dropping them off at school for their first day, holding your breath as they drove away in their very own car for the first time, being present at their wedding, watching them become parents themselves. You imagined it all just from a simple line. 

It's normal to grieve that. It's a loss. A whole life you never got to participate in. 

Maybe you actually held your child, I can't imagine that feeling. But I know that it was the hardest thing you probably have ever done. Once again your life was crushed. Your future thrown off. It was never part of the plan. 

There are daily reminders of the life that you don't get to have, the pain and the sorrow never truly goes away. It creeps up when you least expect it. When you think you finally have regained control you may fall apart again. 

There are no words that make it easier, no time that passes that truly takes away the pain. The only thing that helps me isn't that fact I was blessed with a rainbow baby, she's a whole other person that I LOVE! It's the fact that our first child is known by God, living in heaven, and that some day I will get to meet him or her and see their joyful smiling face welcoming me home. 

That day keeps me going. 

So if you are part of this group of woman, a group that no one wants to be a part of, know  you are not alone. You are seen, heard, and we weep with you. Especially on days where it creeps back in. Especially on the days like today, the due date.

Happy first birthday to my angel baby, until we meet again! 

Living in Joy

How many times do we truly live in the Joy that God has given us?

I know for me, fear, anxiety, worry, all try to creep in and ruin the wonderful blessings God has for me!

There have been so many times in my life that I was too worried to be excited! Too scared to fully embrace the goodness of God! I was worried, "What if it was too good to be true!?" "What if this glorious blessing is taken away!?"

The What If's can rob us of enjoying the wonderfulness that is Christ's blessings in our life! From worries on our wedding day that the day goes as planned we miss the PURPOSE of the day! To worrying about the loss of a pregnancy we miss the JOY that God has created a life!

We may even rob the joy in our children! There are times where our worries and anxiety can crush their joyful hearts! The first day of school, their first time driving, their high school graduation! Yes, as parents, your job is to protect them, but what if our fears and anxieties consume us so that we crush the joy of our children growing up! 

Fear of death, fear of sickness, FEAR! It can consume us whole!

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly." - John 10:10 

Every time I hear that "What if" pop in my head, every time I hear the doubt creep in that this gift is actually mine to be enjoyed I remember this verse; "The thief comes to steal and kill and destroy!" He seeks after our joy! He wants to destroy it!

"I came that they may have life and have it abundantly!" What a glorious promise from our Lord to live in his Joy! Replace the they with your name, "I came that ___________ may have life and have it abundantly!"

Next time fear creeps in, next time the what ifs seem to put is in a spiral, remember who came to destroy our joy and who came so we can have life in it! Live in your joy my friends, don't let satan kill and destroy it!

To Live as Christ

How many of us have seen or worn the WWJD bracelets? It’s a good motto to live by! In the Christian Church we are taught that the reflection of our life would emanate Christ. So we ask our selves What Would Jesus Do? Or do we?

How many of us can truly say we live as Christ? What would that look like? Read through the Gospels! Living as Christ would be to live with love! Not just loving our family and friends but loving our enemy, loving those that look different and act different, loving those who harm us or do us wrong. It’s loving when we don’t want to and loving when it’s hard. In Christ’s dying moments he said to the Father “Forgive them for they do not know what they are doing!” He lived in love until his dying breath.

To live like Christ means to live out his purpose in your life. God has called us for a unique purpose! He has called us to serve him with our own unique gifts and talents. I could take up a whole blog post just talking about how we all are given spiritual gifts from the Lord. When we walk in those gifts we are serving him, we are living as Christ.

Living as Christ means selflessness! How many times do we justify the reasons why we don’t want to go help the neighbor, make someone a meal, serve at church? We have limited time, we have children, we have houses to clean, meals to make of our own, jobs that need to be done for the livelihood of our families. To  live as Christ is to live with a servants heart and to live in fellowship of one another.

The second part of this verse is, “to die is gain.” Death is an uncomfortable topic! But the reality of death is that IF you have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ death equals eternity in Heaven! Eternity with our father!

Paul writes in Philippians from prison. He isn’t sure what the outcome of this event will be but he knows his options are this: If they allow him to live he can continue to live out his purpose in a Christ , serving the church and spreading Gods word. If they don’t allow him to live he gets to spend eternity in heaven. To Paul’s it’s a win win.

Would it be the same for you? If you were Paul would you be able to say “To Live is Christ and to die is gain?”


Reflection:
1. How can you live more like Christ?
2. Are you walking in Gods plan for you? If not, where do you begin?

Brussel Bacon Apple Salad

Brussel sprouts are back! The cool veggie to eat and there are so many delicious ways to prepare them! If I’m honest I’m your typical roasted veggie kinda girl so I hadn’t really branched out with them until his salad!

Ingredients
- 1lb or bag of Brussels, shredded
- 1/4 red onion sliced thin
- 1/2 apple (pink lady are my fave to use!)
- bacon (few slices chopped and cooked)
- walnuts chopped

Dressing ingredients
- mustard, olive oil, apple cider vinegar, garlic powder (I didn’t measure them out but just did added each till it tasted how I liked it)

Directions
1. In a mixing bowl placed sliced onion, shredded Brussels, cooked bacon pieces, aliced apple, and chopped walnuts (if you wish).
2. Mix together dressing ingredients in a separate bowl. Should be able to taste the mustard and apple from the vinegar :)
3. Pour dressing on salad when ready to serve!

The Joy and Pain of Mothers Day

Mother’s Day last year I was pregnant and didn’t even know it. I remember sitting in church and the Pastor was talking about the pain and joy of Mothers Day. I really didn’t think that much about the pain side but focused on the joy. I couldn’t wait till I got to experience the joy of motherhood. 

Little did I know a few weeks later we would experience the pain. No one really prepares you for that, the joy that gets stripped away from that instant the Dr says he has bad news and the constant reminder as your body does what it has to do for days and weeks to come. 

The pain is real and it consistently re-surfaces on days like Mothers Day where it creeps back in and seems as raw and real as the day it happened. Some women choose to still celebrate today because yes, you are a Mom to a baby in heaven. This day is as much yours and even though you don’t get to hold your child it doesn’t take away from the fact that you have a child, you are a Mom, and you carried that little soul even if it was just for a short while. 

The joy of Mothers Day over shadows the pain for me. I get to spend it with my rainbow baby E. I pray that those of you who have felt the pain of loss get to feel the joy of holding your sweet baby in your arms, even if it’s through other ways of expanding your family. I can’t describe the love that one feels hearing that cry and holding your child for the first time. I am so blessed and grateful that I have this sweet girl to celebrate Mother’s Day with this year!

I’m also reminded that being a Mom doesn’t just happen biologically. Unfortunately, we will not be having anymore biological children. E was our true gift from God and did not come easily. There were way too many times both of our lives were at risk. So not only do I think of the child I lost, embrace and snuggle the child I have, but I also pray for the child in my future and the mother that will carry him or her. 

Being a Mom is hard work. It’s full of joy and celebrating milestones and full of more love than you could ever imagine! But it is also full of pain and sorrow. It can be full of loss, full of fear, full of anxiety. It’s truly a life if so many emotions. 

Whether you are cuddling with your baby today, praying for the children that you long for, or missing the ones you have lost today is a day to celebrate you Moms. A day to celebrate your strength that no matter what this life has thrown at you, you have made it yet another day! 

Happy Mothers Day to every Mom, no matter what your story is you are seen, heard, and oh so loved! 

Crockpot Mongolian Beef

I love a good Chinese takeout meal! Here is a simple throw together and let it cook all day meal without the high salt content that you would get with take out! Make it even healthier and serve over cauliflower rice! 

Ingredients:

1 1/2lb Flank or Skirt Steak

Cornstarch

2 TBS sesame oil

1 TBS garlic minced

1 TBS minced ginger or 2 tsp ground ginger      

½ cup soy sauce

¼ cup brown sugar

½ cup water

½ cup green onions chopped

Directions:

1.       Coat steak in cornstarch and place in crockpot. You can choose to slice up steak now or later. I personally like to slice steak now and coat each individual piece but if you don’t have time do it later J

2.       Add all other ingredients to the crockpot.

3.       Cook on low 4-6 hours of high 3-4 hours

4.       Take out steak and slice into strips. Serve over cooked rice or cauliflower rice!

Crockpot Chicken Fajitas

Looking for a cheap and easy Mexican dish that will serve many people! This is it! Feel free to add any extras at the end! 

Ingredients:

1-2lb chicken tenderloins

1 can salsa

1 bag sliced frozen fajita peppers (TJ frozen section.)

       If you don’t have TJ then 1 green bell

       1 red bell pepper sliced

1 Onion sliced

1 tsp chili powder

½ tsp cumin

Salt

Pepper

Directions:

1.       Place chicken in crockpot with veggies

2.       Pour salsa over the top of the chicken and veggies

3.       Cook on low 4-6 hours of high 3-4 hours (or until you get home)

4.       Serve on tortillas! (check out homemade tortilla recipe if you have extra time)

5.       Serve with cheese, sour cream, Guac, cilantro, anything else your heart desires! 

Crockpot Garlic Parmesan Chicken

I love meals like this where I can put EVERYTHING in the pot! This allows you for the sides to get cooked with the main meal! All you have to do is come home and serve! 

Ingredients:

1-2lbs chicken thighs, breast, legs (whatever you prefer)

1 bag green beans

1lb small redskin potatoes

4 TB butter or coconut oil

3 cloves garlic diced

½ onion chopped

¼ cup chicken broth

Salt

Pepper

Garlic Powder

½ cup parm cheese

Directions:

1.       If you choose, brown chicken in oiled pan first

2.       Place chicken, potatoes, green beans in crockpot. Add chicken broth, cheese, butter, and seasoning.

3.       Cook on low 6-8 hours or high 3-4 hours (or until you get home).

4.       Before your serve, sprinkle with more parm cheese J

Crockpot Veggie and Meat Stew

This is a very easy and nutritious meal! The chicken broth makes it light in sodium and less calories than using a creamy base!

Ingredients:

1lb ground turkey (or beef if your prefer) or for lean meat use chicken shredded!

1 bag chopped butternut squash (find in frozen or near the salad section at most stores. If not 3 cups chopped)

3 Carrots sliced

3 stalks celery chopped

1 zucchini sliced

1 onion, chopped

1 box or 2 cans of chicken broth

1 can tomato paste

1 can diced tomatoes

Salt

Pepper

Garlic powder

Directions:

1.       Brown meat if desired (I always like to do this step first, but it doesn’t need to be fully cooked)

2.       Slice and chop the above veggies (you can buy them all pre sliced at most local grocery stores to save time!)

3.       Pour meat, veggies, broth, tomatoes, and tomato paste into crockpot.

4.       Cook on low for 6 hours of high 3-4 (or until you get home).

5.       Serve with some shredded cheese or sour cream J

Crockpot Sloppy Joes

This is such a great recipe when you are busy, need to make a lot of food, or want leftovers! My husband loves this! We often serve our sloppy joes over a potato but a bun is always a fan favorite! 

Ingredients:

2lb ground beef

Minced garlic

1/2 –whole onion chopped

½ tsp garlic powder

½ tsp pepper

½ cup water

3 TB Worcestershire

½ tsp mustard

3 TB brown sugar

1 ¼ cup ketchup (I like to buy the Heinz sweetened with honey)

Directions:

1.       If desired, brown the meat beforehand but don’t worry about it being cooked all the way through

2.       Mix all ingredients besides meat in a bowl

3.       Place meat in crockpot, pour sauce over top and stir. Cook on low for 4-6 hours or until you get home J

4.       Serve on whole grain bun or over potato! 

Crockpot Beer Braised Porkchop

This is a super yummy and easy meal to make for the whole fam! All you need are a few ingredients and a crockpot!

Ingredients
6 pork chops (bone in works best)
1 can of beer
1/2 cup ketchup (organic or sweetened with honey)
1/4 cup brown or coconut sugar
1/4 tsp garlic powder
Salt
Pepper

Directions
1. Place pork chops in crockpot
2. Mix the rest of the ingredients and pour over chops
3. Cook on low 6-8 hours or high 3-4
4. Enjoy!

What is HARD in life?

Sometimes life doesn’t go as planned. Sometimes dreams don’t happen. Sometimes what we want and how we want to get there looks vastly different than what we dreamed up.

My health and fitness has been a part of my life the past 4 years and I have truly enjoyed pouring myself into my business and helping others reach their goals. Meanwhile my husband and I prayed for and so desperately dreamed of being parents. 

After one miscarriage we were greatly surprised to see that positive sign light up the pregnancy test! With fear of the future we kept our little miracle to ourself....until we couldn’t anymore. 

At 6 weeks I was diagnosed with Hyperemesis Gravidarum, a pregnancy complication that includes severe vomiting, dehydration, weight loss, organ failure, and other complications. After 3 ER visits and my husband getting called away for work I moved back to Michigan to have my parents help take care of me. 

I continued to get worse, puking anywhere from 30-40 times a day. I lost 30 pounds in two weeks and ended up in the hospital due to kidney and liver failure. While in the hospital we tried every medication but I continued to wither away. Finally, I had a feeding tube placed down my nose to bypass my stomach and get nutrients to my intestines. 

Would I have ever guessed that having a baby would literally attempt to kill me? That I would be given an ultimatum that if this didn’t work I would have to choose my life or my babies? That I would be so sick I couldn’t funtion? That I would be pregnant and living away from my husband? 

No. This wasn’t part of the plan. The plan was to workout every day. The plan was to show you all how healthy I remained during my pregnancy. The plan was to post cute baby bump selfies in between sweat sessions: 

The plan looks vastly different than the reality. Here I am, 24 weeks later with baby girl thriving (thank God!) and my body continues to stuggle. Here I am couch bound, 2 IV hydration’s a day, a plethora of oral medications, a PICC line (that has already bled out once), and a daily at home nurse helping me fight to make it to 40 weeks. 

Some days suck more than others. Some days I think “this isn’t fair” or “why can’t I be like the majority of pregnant woman with their cute maternity clothes and baby bump pics?” Some days the greatest blessing of growing this little life inside me is darkened by the fact I can’t put any weight on or I am headed to the ER yet again. 

But when my Joy gets stolen I remember there is an ending to this all. There will come a time

In April where I get to hold this beautiful little girl in my arms, I get to join my husband back in our home, and I get to get back to inspiring and pouring into other peoples lives and remind them that there is hard and then there is HARD. 

This my friends is HARD. Waking up to workout at 6am no longer is. Eating healthy isn’t as hard as trying to eat when your body can keep anything down, lifting my head out of the toilet is hard e than lifting weights. I promise this, I will never take my health for granted! 

Until then sweat for me and baby girl! Eat your veggies on our behalf! Run that extra mile! If I could

I would and I will once this is all over :) 

Cabbage Tacco

Cabbage Tacco

Ingredients:
1 head of cabbage
1 medium onion, chopped
1lb ground venison (other lean protein is fine)
1 bag rice cauliflower
1 cup chicken broth
Tomato
Taco seasoning
Shredded cheese
Paprika
Chili powder
Salt

Bean Salad 
1 can black beans
1 can kidney  beans
1 can garbonzo beans
1 can pinto beans
1/2 red onion
1 green bell pepper, diced
Lime juice
EVOO
Salt

Directions
1. Sauté 1/2 onion in pan for 3-4 min. Add cauliflower rice and broth to the pan. Cover and let cook for 10-12min or until tender. Set aside
2. Fry up ground protein in pan until brown. Add taco seasoning and set side
3. Pour all beans into a mixing bowl, diced onion, diced green pepper, lime juice (as much as you would like), 2 TBP EVOO, salt and mix together
4. Slice bottom of head of cabbage and use the leaf as a shell. Pour in cauliflower topped with meat then to,ago, onion, cheese! Plate with bean salad on the side!

Guilt with Food

So if you have followed me you know my entire life FOOD has been at the center! Always controlling parts of me! I started with clean eating and portion controls awhile back and it changed EVERYTHING!

I had no clue what healthy food was! I had no idea that eating a plate full of fried chicken and Mac and cheese was bad (okay I probably knew that one but I also ignored it)! Educating myself on what my body needs was awesome! I dove in head first!

I started cutting out things, I made substitutes, I gave up stuff, and ya know what? I always felt GUILTY! Guilty when I wanted a brownie, guilty when I wanted to drink with friends, guilty for wanting a salad dressing that was more than just 3 drops!

But recently I was introduced to something new, a program that’s main idea was “Track it and see!” Yeah I have to eat veggies but I can dip them and drench them in things that make them taste yummy! Yeah I eat oatmeal and bread and even brownies! I just track it!

See the thing with this program is learning what healthy living is like and doing it most of the time while STILL living life with a Margarita in hand! It’s changing our mindset with food!

What is food used for? How can I make it yummy? Do I really need that? ALL questions I have asked while following along! And the answer is fuel, CHEESE (jk,  it seriously cheesy spaghetti squash, yummm!), and no I really don’t need a whole bowl of popcorn but when I do actually need it, it’s there!

No deprivation, no guilt, just 3 meals a day and 1 snack with lots of veggies, proteins, and fiber filled carbs!

So as I shred off the weight and eat my DQ cone I can’t help but smile to myself and think, man it feels GOOD to be free from the food guilt!

(The above program mentioned is 2B mindset)

Thanksgiving Sweet Potato Casserole

This is my favorite dish during thanksgiving! Probably because of its sweetness! There is A LOT of added sugar to this dish BUT I have a great alternative for ya!

Ingredients
2 lb Sweet Potatos cooked (you can cheat and used canned in light syrup but it will add more sugar)
2/3 Cup Unsweetened Apple Sauce
Chopped pecans for topping
Dash nutmeg

Directions
1. Cook sweet potatoes until soft.
2. Scoop insides out and place in mixing bowl. Add the apple sauce and dash of nutmeg and blend with hand mixer
3. Greece baking dish and pour in dish. Top with pecans and spray top with Pam so they will roast
4. Bake at 350 for 30 min

Thanksgiving: Mashed Potatoes

Believe it or not I am NOT a mashed potatoes fan! I know call me crazy! But C loves Mashed Potatoes! To make them really smooth and creamy often calls for heavy cream, butter, and milk! But here is a great alternative to make it less calories, fat, and even more protein!

Ingredients:
6 large Idaho potatoes (use Yukon Gold but more of them)
2 Cups Greek Yogurt plain
1 TBS Garlic Powder
3 TBS Almond Milk (may need to add more)
Salt
Pepper

Directions:
1. Boil the potatoes until soft
2. Place in bowl and add Yogurt, almond milk, garlic powder, salt, pepper
3. Mix with hand mixer until smooth!

One Pan Chicken and Broccoli

This is a GREAT quick and easy meal!! One of my go to when I need something healthy and quick!!

Ingredients:
4-8 chicken thighs (breast are better for ya!)
2 heads of broccoli
DASH seasoning *no salt so perfect taste without the sodium!
Olive oil
1/2 onion

Directions:
1. Pre heat oven to 375
2. Cut broccoli off head and into bite size pieces. Chop up onion and toss in olive oil
3. Spread parchment paper on pan for easy clean up! One 1/2 plan place chicken and sprinkle with DASH seasoning. The other 1/2 pour broccoli and onion
4. Bake for 40-45 min depending on sjze is chicken yoj may need to cook longer!

Mac and Cheese-Comfort Food Done Healthier

So Tuesday night was Halloween and it was COLD!!! Snow and all! The clouds, the cold, the idea of winter quickly approaching had me CRAVING some comfort food, specifically Mac and Cheese! But I really didn't want all the carbs, the calories, etc!

So I put in the ingredients I planned on using into my food app and turns out a serving (3/4 cup) of this stuff is only 290 calories!! Talk about a WIN! 

So this mac and cheese nutrition value is as follows:

Total Fat: 20grams  

Carbs: 10.9g

Fiber 1.1 grams

Protein 8.2 grams

Sodium 239 mg 

A little high on fat but low on everything else!! Here is the recipe: 

Ingredients: 

2 Cups GF Rice Pasta (substitute whole wheat pasta) 

3 Cups chopped Cauliflower 

2 Cups Coconut Cream

2 TB Butter 

2 1/3 Cup Shredded Cheddar Cheese 

1/2 Onion Chopped 

2 ts Garlic Powder 

4 Slices Turkey Bacon 

Directions 

1. Preheat oven to 375 degrees

2. Cook pasta as directed by the box. When water boils also add in chopped cauliflower. After cooking drain the water and set aside. 

3.. In a separate sauce pan, melt 2 TBS of butter and place 1/2 chopped onion in the pan to sauté along with chopped up turkey bacon. Add garlic powder to cooked onions 

4. Once the onion is browned pour in 2 cups of coconut cream. Use only the cream part and let the cream mixture get warm. Once it is near boiling add in 2 cups of shredded cheese and mix untill the cheese is melted into the cream (it should turn yellow and no chunks of cheese left). Set aside the extra cheese to top the dish.

5. Pour sauce over top of noodles and cauliflower then pour into a pan to bake. Sprinkle leftover cheese on top and bake for 25-30 minutes or until cheese on top has melted and bubbled 

6. Cool and enjoy! 

Healthy Fall Chili (Crockpot)

If you are like me you make Chili almost every weekend! Haha because its SUPER easy and last for awhile! My neighbors and I just had a pumpkin carving party where we each made a chili! I went with my typical "healthier" option!

Check out the Recipe below! It even fits into the 21DF containers! 

Ingredients:

1lb Chicken shredded or Ground Turkey

1 Can Chicken Broth

1 28oz Can crushed or puree tomato 

1 Butternut Squash chopped 

1 Green pepper chopped

1 Red pepper chopped

1 Onion chopped 

1 can Chili Beans low sodium, drained and rinsed 

1 can White Northern beans, drained and rinsed 

3 dashes of Chili Powder 

2 dashes of Garlic Powder 

Salt 

Pepper 

Directions:

1. Place the chicken (raw) into the crockpot or if you are using ground turkey make sure to brown the turkey first! 

2. Place in the liquids, veggies, beans, and season! Cook on low for 6 hours or high for 3! 

3. Enjoy! 

You can serve with some shredded cheese or my favorite is with corn bread :) Yumm! 

Gluten Free Pumpkin Bread

So this might not be the most healthy recipe I post, but it is GOOD! It is also Gluten Free and Dairy Free :) Sometimes I just have to cave to all the fun fall things! For some reason, most of these fall foods are sweets! The Apple Crisp, Pumpkin Pie, Cheesecakes, Pumpkin Breads, you name it!

So here is a great take on a Gluten Free pumpkin bread inspired by Sweet Phi

Ingredients

3 Eggs 

1 Cup Sugar 

1/4 Cup Brown Sugar

1 1/4 tsp vanilla 

1 Cup Pumpkin
1/3 Cup Oil
1 1/2 Cup Gluten Free Flour
1 tsp Baking Soda
1/2 tsp Baking Powder
4 shakes (1 1/2 tsp?) Cinnamon
4 shakes (1 1/2 tsp?) Ground Ginger
1 tsp Salt
4 shakes (1 1/2 tsp?) Nutmeg
4 shakes (1 1/2 tsp?) Pumpkin Pie Spice
2/3 cup chocolate chips (optional)

Directions
1. Heat oven to 350 degrees
2. In Kitchen Aid mixer or hand mixer, mix Eggs, sugars, and vanilla for 1 minute
3. Add in Pumpkin and Oil and mix
4. In a separate bowl add GF flour, baking soda, baking powder, and the seasonings
5. When mixing, slowly add in the flour mixture
6. Pour into a loaf pan and cook for 50-60 min