Mother’s Day last year I was pregnant and didn’t even know it. I remember sitting in church and the Pastor was talking about the pain and joy of Mothers Day. I really didn’t think that much about the pain side but focused on the joy. I couldn’t wait till I got to experience the joy of motherhood.
Little did I know a few weeks later we would experience the pain. No one really prepares you for that, the joy that gets stripped away from that instant the Dr says he has bad news and the constant reminder as your body does what it has to do for days and weeks to come.
The pain is real and it consistently re-surfaces on days like Mothers Day where it creeps back in and seems as raw and real as the day it happened. Some women choose to still celebrate today because yes, you are a Mom to a baby in heaven. This day is as much yours and even though you don’t get to hold your child it doesn’t take away from the fact that you have a child, you are a Mom, and you carried that little soul even if it was just for a short while.
The joy of Mothers Day over shadows the pain for me. I get to spend it with my rainbow baby E. I pray that those of you who have felt the pain of loss get to feel the joy of holding your sweet baby in your arms, even if it’s through other ways of expanding your family. I can’t describe the love that one feels hearing that cry and holding your child for the first time. I am so blessed and grateful that I have this sweet girl to celebrate Mother’s Day with this year!
I’m also reminded that being a Mom doesn’t just happen biologically. Unfortunately, we will not be having anymore biological children. E was our true gift from God and did not come easily. There were way too many times both of our lives were at risk. So not only do I think of the child I lost, embrace and snuggle the child I have, but I also pray for the child in my future and the mother that will carry him or her.
Being a Mom is hard work. It’s full of joy and celebrating milestones and full of more love than you could ever imagine! But it is also full of pain and sorrow. It can be full of loss, full of fear, full of anxiety. It’s truly a life if so many emotions.
Whether you are cuddling with your baby today, praying for the children that you long for, or missing the ones you have lost today is a day to celebrate you Moms. A day to celebrate your strength that no matter what this life has thrown at you, you have made it yet another day!
Happy Mothers Day to every Mom, no matter what your story is you are seen, heard, and oh so loved!
